| Location | Ashford Kent |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 12/2007 |
| Date of Death | 12/2007 |
| Visitors | 3,711 since 05/06/2008 |
| Creator |
Leon Jay Bullock
Born sleeping on 11th December 2007
Aged 0
When I found out I was pregnant with you Leon, I was so excited, I knew I wanted you from the start.
You were a BIG suprise. You already had a big sister and brother waiting for you and now all we
needed was you little man.
I had a pretty easy pregnancy with you apart from not being able to walk because of SPD. Which I
would do again in an instant if it were to bring you back Leon.
I was in the kitchen when my waters went on the 7th Dec 07 at 5.30 pm I was only 32 weeks so I
phoned my Midwife Marion who was fantastic. She told me to ring labour ward and they told me to go
in and get checked out. On the way I started to have contractions and when I got to the labour ward
they gave me steroids to strengthen your little lungs. The Dr told me I would probably meet you
soon. I was petrified as you were still supposed to be in Mummies tummy for another 8 weeks.
I was in hospital for 2 long nights and 2 long days Leon waiting for you to come, but you were
staying put for now weren't ya. Things settled down and on the Sunday I was sent home although you
weren't moving as much, I told the Drs and they ignored me.
I had to go back to the hospital on Monday for a routine appt for my SPD, but on the Sunday night I
really felt strange, you weren't moving at all and I knew then that you had become an angel, I was
so scared and didn't tell anyone as I didn't want to admit you were gone. I miss you so much baby.
I went on the Monday for my appt and as she scanned my tummy the sonographer said the worst words I
have ever heard "I'm so sorry, but your baby has died". I started screaming and collapsed on the
floor and asked the lady to check again, She did, and said the same agian. Well Leon my world just
caved in around me and I couldn't do anything.
Auntie Gem called Daddy and he got Grandad to drop him off it was all so wrong!!! When Daddy got to
the hospital I didn't know he didn't know you were gone and just sat there crying. Then Daddy said
is he dead and that was when I had to admit that yes, you were gone. I phoned Nanny and she was just
as distraught as me, she was on her way to support us.
I had to go into this room and they were all talking about me giving birth to you, Well I didn't
even think about that, I wanted to keep you safe in my tummy forever, with me forever. But I didn't
keep you safe darling did I?
I had to take this tablet to bring on labour, I couldn't do it at first but I knew I had to. I
wanted to meet you but I was so scared to also. My emotions were all over the place. Auntie Rhea was
waiting outside the room when I came out and she looked just as devastated as I was.
Me, Daddy, Nannie, Grandad and auntie Rhea went home to wait for the tablet to work. I was so scared
Leon.
I just floated around the house all day waiting for you to come, I was in a state of shock and wasnt
really functioning.
At 11.30pm that night I was sitting on the sofa and I felt a pop, I thought it was my waters but
when I went to the toilet it was blood and lots of it. I said to Mum to call the labour ward and
they said to go straight in.
Me, Daddy and Nannie made our way to the hospital. On the way I started to get contractions. When we
got there a midwife told me to do a urine sample, I said "whats the point my baby is dead?". She was
called Annette and she had had a stillbirth also. She was lovely and very caring.
My labour progressed and I had you Leon on 11th December 2007 at 2.45 in the morning. You were a big
boy for your age (32 +5 weeks) 4lb 15oz.
I loved you from the moment I saw you. You were the most beautiful little boy I had ever seen. I
held you for a while then Annette cleaned you up and dressed you in oversized clothes, you see we
were told you would be big and we only had 0-3 month clothes for you.
Me and Daddy held you for about 3 hours and then I couldn't take anymore it was too upsetting Leon
seeing you like this it was the hardest thing I ever had to do,leaving you there. We went home to
your brother and sister, bless them they knew something was very wrong but not what. Your brother
Luke kissed my tummy and I tried with all my might not to cry. Your sister Lauren and Luke had to go
to school so I kept it together till they went then I just lost it. I kept crying for my baby boy
and Nannie said it was like an animal cry.
The next few days were a blur with funeral arrangments and cards. I just couldn't get my head around
the fact we were burying our SON.
The 20th December is the day we buried you Leon. The service was hard but Sarah the humanist who did
the service was really lovely. We played Take That Rule the world, Coldplay Yellow and Snow Patrol
Open your eyes.
We miss you more each day my little angel and I think of nothing else. I hope you know how much we
all love you baby boy.
Love and floaty kisses Mummy, Daddy, Lauren, Luke, Nannie and Grandad, Grandma and Grandad, Auntie
Rhea and your cousin Eden. xxxxxxxxx
+ . . * + * * . + * .*.++
. * + * JUST * + .
+ . . * + . + * . * +
* . + *SHOWING .* + .
+ . . * + . + * . * + .
+ , *SOME. + * LUV+ *
+ . . * + . + * . * + .*
.TO * * + . * THIS.* .
. * + * * + . *+ *
+ ..ANGEL.. * + . +
+ ....* + . + * . * +
GOOD NIGHT XXXXX
As you release this butterfly in honour of me,
know that I'm with you and will always be.
Hold a hand, say a prayer, close your eyes and see me there.
Although you may feel a bit torn apart,
please know that I'll be forever in your heart.
Now fly away butterfly as high as you can go,
I'm right there with you more than you know.
xxxxx
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We had so little time to share,
Too soon, I had to leave.
I know how much you love me,
I know how much you grieve.
I know how sharp your pain is,
I feel the aching in your hearts.
My life so quickly ended
Before it barely had a start.
I remember how you held me,
And kissed my face and hands,
You cuddled me so gently;
But, God had other plans.
I was your perfect angel,
From God you knew I came,
Suddenly he called me home again,
And now God holds my hand.
I know you’ll always miss me,
I understand your pain is hard to bear.
Just remember that I’m in heaven
And we’ll see each other there.
So smile when you think of me
and wipe away all of your tears
I’m cuddled now in heaven
By our family members here.
I’m waiting here in heaven,
And on the day we meet again.
I’ll be the first to smile and greet you,
When God calls you home to him.
May you always walk in sunshine and God’s love around you flow, for the happiness you gave us, no one will ever know, it broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone, a part of us went with you, the day God called you home. A million times we’ve needed you. A million times we’ve cried. If love could only have saved you. You never would have died. xxxxxxx
Have A Good Weekend Everyone
Gone are the days we used to share,
But in our hearts you are always there,
The gates of memory will never close,
We miss you more than anyone knows,
With tender love and deep regret,
We who love you will never forget.
Gone is the face we loved so dear
Silent is the voice we loved to hear.
Too far away for sight or speech,
But not too far for love to reach,
Sweet to remember them once here,
Who, though absent, is just as dear.
In all the world we shall not find
A heart so wonderfully kind,
So soft a voice, so sweet a smile,
Inspiration worthwhile;
A sympathy so sure, so deep
A love so beautiful to keep.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
When you’re alone with Jesus
And he sweetly smiles on thee,
Will you gently whisper to Him
A little prayer for me?
And when I’m alone with Jesus
And all else is hid from view,
I’ll gently drop into His Sacred Heart
A little prayer for you.
xxxxxxxx
Those we love must someday pass
beyond our present sight...
Must leave us and the world we know without their radiant light.
But we know that like a candle
their lovely light will surely shine
To brighten up another place
more perfect... more divine.
And in the realm of Heaven
where they shine so warm
and bright.
Our loved ones live forevermore
in God ’s eternal light.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Go ahead and mention my loved one,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry,
I am already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I am hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending they did not exist.
I'd rather you mention my loved one,
knowing that they has been missed.
You ask me how I was doing,
I say "pretty good", or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
xxxxxxxx
In Our Hearts
We thought of you today.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we'll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.
xxxxxxx
I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still in each new dawn.
xxxxx
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